Do You Yahoo?
by Regina Halliwell
Summary: Alternate season 4 Rory/Jess reunion, in which Jess does a little harmless stalking and emailing, and Rory doesn't run away.


Note: Sorry for the awkward formatting with the email addresses; FF won't allow them because they think it's spam.

* * *

He hadn't expected her to wait for him.

Their blowup when she returned from Washington last year to find him tongue-deep in some blonde girl had made it clear that no contact meant no expectations. He didn't think she would jump into some guy's lap the way he had done with Shane, but he couldn't expect that she would just pine for him, especially since their relationship this past year was a lot different than before Sookie's wedding.

So, of course, when he finally got his life together that summer after a misguided cross-country pilgrimage to visit his absent father, he didn't ever imagine that Rory would be unattached.

But she was. Dean, not even close to being in the picture, and a few interested but not serious college guys, and Rory looked happy. He realized that he was practically stalking her, but he had to make sure she was okay. Not that Rory would ever be not okay; she was going to tackle Yale just the same as she had overcome every other challenge in her life, academic and otherwise. And Jess didn't think that he would be the reason for her being not okay in the case that she was—he wasn't quite that narcissistic. But he had to make sure.

He wasn't surprised to see that Rory and Lorelai had returned from their trip to Europe worldlier than before but entirely the same. He wasn't even surprised to see that Lorelai had accompanied her to Yale, that she had moved Rory all in, and then stayed herself.

He needed to stop watching her. This was getting ridiculous, but he just couldn't get up the nerve to talk to her. He knew she was going to send him away, so why hurry? He was only delaying the inevitable, but it was better than rushing to get rejected.

Jess decided to send her an email to test the waters, after finding out how Yale did their email addresses. He had one now too, didn't everyone?

From: jwmariano yahoo . com

To: yale . edu

Subject: Long Time

Hey.

You probably don't even want to hear from me now. I missed my chance, I know that. That day on the phone, your graduation day, it was me. You knew it was me. I loved you too, Rory, and I'm sorry that I ran away and didn't even say goodbye. I'm sorry I didn't contact you or even give you the chance to deal with the news I didn't want to tell you.

I failed out, and I couldn't get your prom tickets, and then my deadbeat dad showed up at the diner, and I just kind of freaked out. I should have told you about it, should have said something, anything to you. You would have been understanding, I know. You were an amazing girlfriend, Rory, way better than I deserved.

I'm not expecting anything. I just am back in town and I wanted to give you a heads up before we accidentally ran into one another in person and one or both of us panicked and ran away. I can't ever make up for what I did, and I wouldn't forgive me either.

If you want to yell at my face, I would totally understand that. This is my email address (obviously), and if you want to respond, I will get it. If not, I wouldn't blame you.

I just wanted to tell you, I got my GED, I'm less of a screw up, and I owe it all to you.

Jess

P.S. I _do_ get the irony of me being chatty over email.

P.P.S. It's really odd emailing Lorelai Gilmore instead of Rory, but I bet they don't give you the option with those things.

He hits send, then immediately regrets it. He should have just surprised her in Stars Hollow or something. She was just going to ignore the email and move on with her life, and he would have to now too.

Jess tried not to wait, tried to do other things and find ways to keep busy. He could be waiting forever, he knew.

He pulled out a paperback and tried to read it, wishing he could get absorbed by the text. The library—not the Beineke, the public library—had some comfortable chairs to sit in, and he eyed the computers doubtfully, not sure why he bothered waiting.

Jess gave himself two hours and then let himself check his email. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help it.

And there, in his sparsely populated Yahoo inbox, was an email from one Rory Gilmore. He almost didn't want to click on it. He had to know if she would ever forgive him, or get it over with.

From: yale . edu

To: jwmariano yahoo . com

Subject: RE: Long Time

Jess…

I do want to yell at you in person, and I also don't. I've thought a thousand times about what I'd say to you, what you'd say to me. I've probably imagined every possibility. I don't know what I wanted to hear, what would make it all better. I don't think anything really could.

When you say you're in town, do you mean in Stars Hollow, or in New Haven? Because I thought I saw you the other day but then I told myself I must have been imagining things.

What is that quote from _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_? "We accept the love we think we deserve."

You deserve more Jess, and so do I. We were so young (I know that sounds silly—it hasn't even been a year), and so immature. I wouldn't communicate, you wouldn't communicate. We'd rather both hide our problems from each other than face them.

I can't say that I've grown up much since then, but I do think that I learned from that whole thing.

I wouldn't run away if I saw you now. I probably would have, before. I don't know that I've forgiven you, still.

But, if you want, we could get coffee.

Rory

P.S. In case you don't have it, my cell phone number is 203-427-9617.

It was way more than he ever thought he'd get out of her, and he had such low expectations. He thought she'd yell—all caps is what that would look like over email, he supposed—or not reply at all. Now she was saying they both deserved better!? Coffee, even. Noncomittal, sure, but still it was something.

He immediately emailed back, not even bothering to wait an appropriate amount of time so as not to seem desperate. He suggested a place he knew she liked to go for coffee, and suggested a time when she wasn't usually in class.

He had to get these stalker tendencies in order.

He sat there, anxiously waiting. He hoped she would actually show up, if only to smack him. So when she walked through the door, his Rory, looking—dare he say it—cautiously happy to see him, Jess couldn't believe it.

"So, Dodger," she greeted, taking the seat next to him. "Just how long have you been around, stalking me?"

He had the decency to look down, shameful, and then looked up at her and smiled. "What you should be asking is how long I'm going to stay."


End file.
